The past is not a package one can lay away

oh no, i can't sleep :(
my stomach and mind is revolting against all forms of slumber,
seems like it's camping awake and trying to complete some tuition hw
while tumblr-ing and fb-ing simultaneously haha!

~

The past is not a package one can lay away
- Emily Dickinson

Living w no regrets is possibly the hardest thing to do on Earth
it requires either an extraordinarily keen sense of judgment such that you never make any mistake EVA~ (note: impossible)
or a forgiving heart to let go of what you've done "wrong".

Then again, forgiving yourself is another difficult thing to do
not as easy as forgiving someone else.
why?
i think it's because you've placed a greater amount of trust on others than yourself
a.k.a you think that you will commit the same mistake again,
that's why you want this to be a hard lesson by remembering it forever, distinctively etched in your mind.
you let the "what ifs" cloud your mind and thoughts
and the perception of you committing the same mistake again messes up all your clear sense of thinking
a.k.a allowing you to commit the same mistake AGAIN, 'cause U NO THINKING STRAIGHT LIAOS.

that's why,
one should sleep off the nagging feeling of regret
only to gain some experience and learn from it.
fine line eh?
gotta remember it, yet not so clearly haha!

that's for exams and life.
heck all the carelessness mistakes i made already! :(
cannot change them, so just REMIND MYSELF
FOCUS DURING EVERY EXAM! :)

on life.

i think i do have many "regrets" in life.
But i prefer to think of them as experiences that have changed me and made me a better person.
they are embarrassing though *shy face*
haha like TAN JIE QI will forever remind me of how i burst out crying in front of her when mr latif said i can't play for A divs 'cause my ankle was in such a bad shape
(i didn't play the WHOLE 2009 A divs, and i REALLY WANT/WANTED SO BADLY to have a chance to play after trg for soooooo long - 2 yrs in fact)

BLAH!
haha but i have tried v hard to learn how to control my tears in front of ppl
i even googled "how to keep my tears in" on google okay!
haha! and it's hard, cause i'm really someone who wears her heart on her sleeve.
i'm sad, means i'm sad,
happy, means i'm happy.
and sometimes i get so angry i cry! LOL!

okay 'nuff said about emotions.
now actions.

you know,
i do believe that life is short and we should be young, wild and free while we can afford to
(willingness and ability - HAHA ECONS MUCH?)
we live for the moment,
and even though i may make mistakes in this moment (or every other moment for that matter)
i'm enjoying every second of it.

the scary thing is one day
when i realise that good things all come to an end.
yes then that's scary and "regrets" come tumbling in.

but just like exam scripts which have been handed in,
i can't change the situation,
but can only make the best out of it.

so yeah
livin' the moment yo.
cherishing every second.